Conditional Service (VIP please read all AM community)

I've been a little impatient, as I have been feeling like God has been keeping me in the wings with nothing to write about. He never fails however, and the holy spirit has touched me again!

As you all know Hurricane Ike was a catastrophe and an opportunity, We as a community have the chance to actually serve the community we rep so hard with our movement. Praise God for that! As we scour the community for families in need and damaged homes, I notice that we have not crossed to the "other side" of Elgin. The side that's not surrounded by row houses that have been turned into masterpieces of art and the refreshing sounds of TSU students warming up their instruments during band practice and music classes. The side of 3rd ward that is not dominated by beautiful black activists who eat strict vegan diets and rock the au naturale hair do's. We have failed to cross behind emancipation park and walk right into the den of needles and demons. What we so politely call "questionable activity".

We so conveniently quote parts of the bible that say serve with an open heart and ask the good Lord for "wisdom", and it would be "wise" to not venture onto uncharted waters without superman and a couple of bullet proof vests. Well unless superman and those vests are available right now, the kingdom just does not have time to wait on us to feel safe by the power of man, and if we truly believe in the power of the Lord, then we know he will be there regardless of any tangible manifestations of protection that we can possibly rustle up for ourselves.

Let us explore this scripture, Psalms 91: 1-16. (well parts of it, because it's long so feel free to read it for yourself)

V1-2 Those who go to God most high for safety will be protected by the almighty, I will say to the Lord, "you are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."

Do we really? or do we trust him enough to go where we are comfortable enough to know we are safe no matter what, but it looks risky enough to continue to tell people to leave their comfort zones without looking like complete hypocrites.

v4-5- His truth will be your shield and protection, you will not fear any danger by night or an arrow by day.

This means that we have nothing to fear of any "questionable activity". It's there and that's what needs to be saved. I know this seems lofty guys but seriously, we can't let Hell roam the community because we don't have even a mustard seed of enough faith to move it!

v 7- At your side one thousand people may die, or even ten thousand right beside you, but you will not be hurt.

This, my family, is a promise from God and if we are seeking purity in Jesus, God will keep his promises. We sing this every 3 or 4 Sunday's "God keeps his promises....God is not a man...you know he's got your back" We sing it alright, but do we believe it?

Man I could keep going, but it just keeps affirming and reaffirming that God will protect us. Of course only if we are living in his word and loving him and affectionately praising him and trusting him whole-heartedly will we really see the benefits. So yes for those of US who are not taking our impact manifestos seriously and are not seeking purity and looking to God and running from sin, I guess we might still have a little fear, because we haven't flushed the fear away, and fear gets us into trouble, not out of it. We can't afford to have fear where we are going, because if you haven't realized it from the wake of this catastrophe and from Marlon's sermon that sparked the impact manifesto movement, God is calling us out of the pretty artsy world that makes us different and comfortable and calling us to reform the world that Satan has turned from cinema to a porno, from a comic book of heroes that save the minor mishaps every chapter to a graphic novel of death and destruction, from art to graffiti, from friends and families to enemies. We are going to be sent deeper into the world, and sent there to change it. Are we ready?

If anyone would like serving to be the excuse for not having to live life in mediocrity and not continue to use living a meteocre life as an excuse to not serve,and if you are tired of our community being in purgatory, I mean it ain't hell but it definitely ain't the kingdom, please email me. I could use a few people who are down for the cause to cowboy up, strap on the faith and ride out to the other side of Elgin and assess some damages with our wonderful community architect Danielle Ewing and I. Or contact Erika Swanson if you would like to make some phone calls to check on our AM family, because compassion and love is risky business as well. Let's get it done guys!

I suggest reading the Barbarian Way by Erwin Mcmanus if you need a little kick in the pants.

Sorting it Out!

We were asked to think of the darkest an most chaotic place or places in our lives. What do you do when it's your own mind. When throughout your life Satan has used your own brain to block out what God has to say. I am fighting......fighting! Fighting to get out of my head and into the spirit and just go. I am fighting! Fighting to know who God is and who God is in me.

I had a genuine moment last night where I felt deep in my heart, that God was sad, sad because I just didn't get what he was trying to do in my life, sad because I was sad listening to the devil throw more lies to me. Lies about who he wants me to believe I am and who he wants me to believe I'm not. Lies about the life God wants to give me, Lies about my purpose, Lies about my needs, Lies about my talent, lies lies lies. I am fighting....fighting! Unfortunately I'm so blind sometimes I don't know who I am fighting, am I fighting hell or am I fighting with God. I'm just swinging wildly trying to release myself from this bondage of thought and in the process sometimes I'm hurting something that God is putting in me.

I want to die to myself so bad and just say God take it all, all of it, everything, leave me empty and fill me back up again, because last time I emptied I allowed some impurities to seep back in during the refill! This time it's difficult, because I don't know what's not supposed to be there.

I'm fighting to write this blog, Satan at this very moment in causing cramps in my hands and my head to throb to where I can barely see straight. I'm crying and uncomfortable and i'm distracted by random pains. ALL LIES!! It's just an attack, because i'm discerning the truth as I write.

The truth is that God made me strong, he made me moldable, and flexible so that I can adapt and rise to the occasion. God did not make me irresponsible and flighty and numb. God made me relatable and open to be a vessel for people to pour into and a spring for people to drink from. He did not make me a void-filler. God made me sensitive, so that I can feel everything and really understand life in it's entirety, he did not make me weak. God made me appreciate humor in all situations so that I can keep my head up and enjoy my growth, He did not make me guarded and sarcastic, and mean! God gave me the gift to love and connect with people, he did not make me co-dependent. God made me observant so that I can have compassion he did not make me judgmental!! God made me multi-faceted, so that I can comfortably speak to all kinds of people and find a common ground with anyone, because God made me to affect change in all people.

I will not apologize for being able to adapt and move and stay strong and relate and love. I will not shut down who i am and stick a big "under construction" sign on my forhead to ward people off while I "figure it out" I will continue to be who God made and let Satan whine and cry in the background all he wants. My purpose and focus is to please God, not by making some wild exclamation but by living in worship! Let my day be a testament of God's love from me waking up in the morning to smiling politely and speaking sweetly to a neighbor. God just free me from this bondage to my mind, and let me live in your spirit.

I'm out!
Cherbear!