Hey guys it's been a couple of weeks, but I mean hey, when the inspiration hits you it just hits you. So Justin and I were discussing this weird blah like place you tend to get to in your walk, it's uncomfortable but its not highly emotional or exciting just discomfort and weirdness. So I don't know if any of you know what this is like but i'll explain.
The road between what is fulfilling and what is not is a a gray road, it is the blend of color between the black and the white. This all came about during the week that my vehicle was being fixed. I was having to succumb to the humility of catching rides here and there again. My schedule was not in my hands and I had a lot of time to think and hear God. During this time I felt so completely and utterly uncomfortable. I could'nt go talk to my best friend or the other person that I would usually call in times of needing a quick fix and emotional booster, I couldn't just go find somewhere to go because i was car-less. Then I started to think..... I said to myself and myself said "hmm" I said self would you be happy if you were having bff time right now? Self said "no i'd still have this discomfort"...Okay well self, would you be happy if you were back in the relationship you'd been longing for since it ended? Self said "nope not really, still have this icky discomforting feeling I think"...Okay well self would having your car back really take this discomfort away? "Nope still would be there actually"....Okay well I don't know what to do because those are the normal things that you do to escape your discomfort you find a mate and you cuddle and fill your time up with the affection of someone else, you call up your bff's and have meaningless or meaningful conversations for hours, you go to parties and shopping and you take your frustration out on the road and transfer your energy to the mileage you put on your car. You have a few drinks you watch junk tv for hours, and you hope when you wake up that the discomfort will be gone. But see I, at this point know that none of those carnal pleasures will fill up this little hole, they won't actually make the discomfort go away and I am so not about the emotional band-aids anymore. So then I turned around and I looked forward and I saw an unfamiliar road and I said "Self" and my self said "hmm" and I said "self, well what will make you happy?" and self said "that's the thing God is sending you on a quest for joy, happiness is no longer good enough for you."
To be continued........
Cherbear
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